JOKES

1)A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that is about to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. Then he sneezes again, unzips, and wipes himself off again with the handkerchief. The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, but that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane." He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze." The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?" "Pepper," he answers.

2) Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms. The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'' ''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

3)A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?” “I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.” “I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.

4)A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists, The professor had the following logic:"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke. "Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke. "Has anyone in this class seen God?"When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."The student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak. The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence."Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Absolute silence."Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?"When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

5)An unhappy-looking old man had stood in the long gift return line at the store. Finally he made it to the counter with his package.The clerk, observing his stubble of day-old beard, spotted here and there by bits of stuck-on toilet paper, asked if he could help him.The old man brought out the item he wished to exchange, an electric razor. "My son bought me this newfangled shaver," complained the fellow, "and he said it would let me shave in half the time with less cuts than my old straight razor. I tried it this morning, and it took almost a half hour, and it pulled out more hair than it cut! I want a refund!"The patient clerk took the electric shaver and looked it over, seeing clumps of wiry facial hair sticking out of the screen. "Let's see if we can tell what the problem might be."After turning it over and trying to switch it on, he removed the base and found that there were no batteries in it.Asked the clerk, "Did you try some new batteries before taking them out?"The grizzled old farmer squinted his eyes and rubbed his rough face, then asked, "It needs batteries?"

6)What is defference between man and Superman?Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

7)What is defference between man and Superman?Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

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